The “E” Word.

JOURNAL QUESTION: WHAT HAVE YOU TOUCHED THAT YOUR HANDS HAVE GROWN?

I find this journal question to be amusing today. I’m currently on my first social media break. I told myself I was rewarding my good work. I was rewarding myself for the past year of creating, editing, graphic designing, researching, posting, and engaging.  Honest to God truth...I was tired and a little worried about discovering what was next for my brand. I was feeling pressure from having to perform and the need to constantly put something out. 

Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE creating. Creativity is actually one of my core values. So for me, it wasn’t really the pressure of creating content that made me pause but more so the pressure of being creative (and here’s a word that irks me)...enough.

Was I creative enough?

Was my caption informative and educational enough?

Would this resonate enough with my followers?

Would my colleagues deem this as fluff or enough?

Was this evidence-based enough? 

Was this real enough?

Was my brand doing enough?

Was I even enough of a therapist to be having a darn brand?

Was I enough?

Whew! As I’m writing this, the “enough” Cheetoh is lodged in between ribs 2 and 3. Enough. Such a small yet big word. Merriam Webster Dictionary defines the word enough as follows: occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations. EXPECTATIONS. Another “fun” e-word.

I realize that the pressure of being enough is tied to the pressures I have placed on myself because frankly, no one has ever said to me, “Girl, you’re not doing enough.”  It’s been quite the opposite actually, more like, “Girl. when do you have enough time to do all of that?!” Somewhere along the way, I completely tuned out the latter, and the narrative that became loudest was, “You’re not doing enough.”

Social media in all of its glory has created an amazing platform for mental health that has never been seen before. We have coping skills, education, resources, and community all at our fingertips. The accessibility that Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter have given us has revolutionized the way we discuss mental health. With that comes a slew of newbies like myself, with idealized dreams of sharing mental health content in a way that will make an impact. However, I will be honest in saying, I’ve had to recalibrate and clarify what getting to that goal looks like (drumroll please) for me.

I admire and get inspired by accounts like Therapy for Black Girls, Nedra Tawaab, and Alexandra Elle. They give me aha-moments, challenge me and empower me all at the same damn time. When I think of my own hopes for my brand, I want to be able to do the same. However, HOW I do that will be different, MUST be different, if I’m going to be authentically me.

So the question was what have you touched that your hands have grown…

I know I can’t physically touch this but I would say my vulnerability. By creating No Filter Therapy, I have taken the filters off of my own life more than any number of followers. I have had to ask myself hard questions. I’ve had to sit with my own fears but best of all...I’ve been able to sit in my accomplishments and acknowledge that I've kinda been killin’ it out here.

Today, I can sincerely say and believe that I’m doing enough. I don’t have to meet any demands, needs, or expectations of anyone else but myself. So I reward myself with a pause. To reflect and assess. 

I create healthy expectations by keeping myself healthy which for me includes intentional time for rest, play, mental, emotional, and spiritual development, and therapy. I made an attempt to put my creativity in timeout but it's just a part of me. Thus, why you’re reading the first of many blog posts from No Filter Therapy. 

I hope you know that you’re enough too. I hope you were able to find yourself somewhere in this and if not, I hope you were able to learn a little something about me. Thank you for your support and encouragement while I’ve been away. It’s been so special to know y'all were rooting for me on my break.

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With love,

Christine A.